Reflection: A loss of Order & other...things.

I've come to a worrying realization that I have almost no sense of chronology. It's bad enough that I have ZERO sense of direction, now the order of things is slipping by me. 

It must be the lack of a routine, that abominable repetitive thing we call a time table. When there is no reason for me to remind myself what date and day it is, I just don't. I'd tell someone of an occurrence that I believe I experienced yesterday or the day before when really it's just last night, or the morning of the very same day. Several times I've been reprimanded for my 'silliness' by my family members or friends.

But things will be back to normal once class starts. I'd at least remember what day it is. Haish.

Apart from that, I've generally come to terms with my fate to study Bachelor of Pharmacy in Monash, Melbourne for the next 4 years of my life. As long as I don't think too much of my future career I'm alright. I don't get all touchy about it anymore. At last, acceptance. It's also reassuring that a distant relative who has only graduated from USM, is now getting paid 5K monthly working as a Pharmacist in a hospital. He did his practical there and Hospital Taiping decided to keep him. Since I'm going to work for the government for 6 years, I might as well be well-paid.

I just gotta take things in stride and try my best to be as optimistic as possible. You know, grow up. Focus on the fun and try to remind myself that 'Free will' is not, by any means, an illusion. Not a fallacy that is ultimately futile. I shall not entertain myself with dangerous, more importantly, poisonous ideas of fatalism. It does me no good. Hopefully, I'd be able to rid myself of the fantasy that misery is in any way beautiful. My fixation on melancholia is an affliction. One, with a cure. Definitely.

The human life span is not all that long. I shall keep my thoughts of Death. I just need to focus on the more crucial areas concerning it as opposed to the defeatist inducing, uh, 'areas'. Constant vigilance is key.

Enough of me. What is bitingly worrisome to me at the moment is Adi. I shall have to leave him. It has come to a point where I, with anguish, blame the law of physics, nature or whatever that sees to it that Teleportation  is decidedly impossible. I've even succumbed to guilt tripping my elder brother to come home after his graduation this June. He is toying with the idea of continuing his studies to postgraduate level or working over seas for a period of time before coming home. Adi is hoping that he'd come home. So, yeah. It will be incredibly lonely for him.

We don't need another 'artist' in the family. Hahah. As Miller goes..."An artist does not need to be alone. An artist only needs loneliness." This, I paraphrased.

We'll just all have to stay optimistic.

Radiohead's - Optimistic covered by Hanson. Two words, ELECTRIC CHILLS.