In the sky with the 'Why?'s

Where do I even start? *sigh* I'm alive and well.

Everything is alright. My moments of insanity passed on swiftly as the plane shook and shuddered in the clouds.  Turbulence lasted pretty much the whole 8 hours I was in the damned thing. It wasn't long before I tried to calm myself by hatching at least a dozen plans of getting myself back to Malaysia as soon as possible. Pathetic. 

But hey, if you thought the plane you're sitting in is about to crash any second for 28800 seconds you'd be a little neurotic too.

Things are alright here in Melbourne. Aside from living and breathing, I am homeless, useless and listless. Am now temporarily residing at some senior students' apartment. They are mostly medic students in their final year or is in internship or are already working medical doctors. 

I don't think I've ever met people as kind, selfless and devout as they are. I owe them my thanks and gratitude. They've been shepherding us all over the place, helping us with bank accounts, mobile phones (I now own a Blackberry Bold 9700), house hunting, and even cooking us meals three times a day (The whole deal. Rice, chicken and vege dishes). They even invited us to this weekly gathering of theirs to pray together, recite the Yasin and eat free food (Australia have awesome cheesecakes and peaches).

Apart from that I've also enrolled in Bachelor of Pharmacy in Monash University (Parkville Campus) last Tuesday. It's smaller than INTEC and looks like a plain old warehouse from the outside but insides it's all clean, practical and pretty. It's good that it's small, I don't have to worry about getting lost...too often.

Speaking of which, on the enrollment day they had this welcoming briefings and stuff and the counselor talked about culture shock and homesickness. He showed us a culture shock curve that goes something like this: 

I started with the Disillusionment phase while in the plane, what with the 'Why?'s rampaging in my thoughts. Am currently in the Survival phase I suppose. I doubt Anticipation of any sort will be visiting me. Hopefully Reflection and Rejuvenation will come soon. Then I'd be happy to simply flat-lining until Winter break. 

I proclaim here that I will be coming home during the one month plus Winter break. People can act like the assess that they are and ridicule my lack of fortitude or whatever, I'm coming home. Adi is looking forward to this and will be happy and that's all that matters. Besides, it's not like I haven't visited the places that is worth visiting in Melbourne. I've even been to Sydney. Am not missing out on anything. If my mid sem exams don't last too long I might even attend my elder brother's graduation on June 15th before I go back.

I am well aware of my hostility. Survival phase remember? Heh.

Adieu for now. With George Elliott in my mind, I will pave on. 

Unfeeling, for now.

How do I say goodbye to him?

I'm leaving for Melbourne tomorrow. 

"Don't feel nothing, I just feel cold." ...pretty much sums it up.

Under Cover of Darkness

Yes, people. The drought is OVER. The awaited day on which The Strokes is to release their single titled Under Cover of Darkness from their fourth LP, Angles is upon us.

It will be available for FREE download for the next 48 hours. After 5 years they kept us fans waiting, The Strokes are showing some courtesy :)

HQ download on mediafire

And of course, while you wait for it to download, HAVE A LISTEN because it's now on YouTube too

LYRICS:

Slip back out of whack at your best 

It’s a nightmare 

So I’m joining the army 

Know how folks back out, I still call 

Will you hate for me now? 

We got the righteous advice to use it 

Got everything but you can just choose it 

I won’t tie me a puppet on a string 

Don’t go that way I’ll wait for you 

And I’m tired of all your friends 

They’re still at your door 

And I won’t, I better call you 

So long my friend and adversary 

But I will call you
Get dressed jump out of bed and do it best 

Are you ok? 

I’ve been out around this town 

Everybody’s been singing the same song for ten years 

I’ll wait for you 

Will you wait for me too? 

And they sacrifice their lives In the land of our closed eyes 

I’ve been saying we’re beaten down, I won’t say it again 

So long, my friend The sorry embrace 

Don’t go that way 

I’ll wait for you
I’m tired of all your friends
Knocking down your door
Get up in the morning, give it your all
So long my friend and adversary
Won’t you wait for you?

* * * * * *

The song debuted on the radio on Zane Lowe. Albert speaks:

Nick had an interview too. You can download it here.


Now we've got two new countdowns to look forward to:

15th February 2011 

- Albert says they'll be releasing a B-side, which will be a track from Angles.

22nd March 2011 

- Angles on sale in record stores near you :)

Right now, I'm positively euphoric. 

Jules' singing, the poppy and up-beat feel being an outright opposite to the sad lyrics, which you simply can't help but speculate it to be having to do about the band really & finally, the guitar riffs. 

Bottom line, I love it to bits.

Reflection: A loss of Order & other...things.

I've come to a worrying realization that I have almost no sense of chronology. It's bad enough that I have ZERO sense of direction, now the order of things is slipping by me. 

It must be the lack of a routine, that abominable repetitive thing we call a time table. When there is no reason for me to remind myself what date and day it is, I just don't. I'd tell someone of an occurrence that I believe I experienced yesterday or the day before when really it's just last night, or the morning of the very same day. Several times I've been reprimanded for my 'silliness' by my family members or friends.

But things will be back to normal once class starts. I'd at least remember what day it is. Haish.

Apart from that, I've generally come to terms with my fate to study Bachelor of Pharmacy in Monash, Melbourne for the next 4 years of my life. As long as I don't think too much of my future career I'm alright. I don't get all touchy about it anymore. At last, acceptance. It's also reassuring that a distant relative who has only graduated from USM, is now getting paid 5K monthly working as a Pharmacist in a hospital. He did his practical there and Hospital Taiping decided to keep him. Since I'm going to work for the government for 6 years, I might as well be well-paid.

I just gotta take things in stride and try my best to be as optimistic as possible. You know, grow up. Focus on the fun and try to remind myself that 'Free will' is not, by any means, an illusion. Not a fallacy that is ultimately futile. I shall not entertain myself with dangerous, more importantly, poisonous ideas of fatalism. It does me no good. Hopefully, I'd be able to rid myself of the fantasy that misery is in any way beautiful. My fixation on melancholia is an affliction. One, with a cure. Definitely.

The human life span is not all that long. I shall keep my thoughts of Death. I just need to focus on the more crucial areas concerning it as opposed to the defeatist inducing, uh, 'areas'. Constant vigilance is key.

Enough of me. What is bitingly worrisome to me at the moment is Adi. I shall have to leave him. It has come to a point where I, with anguish, blame the law of physics, nature or whatever that sees to it that Teleportation  is decidedly impossible. I've even succumbed to guilt tripping my elder brother to come home after his graduation this June. He is toying with the idea of continuing his studies to postgraduate level or working over seas for a period of time before coming home. Adi is hoping that he'd come home. So, yeah. It will be incredibly lonely for him.

We don't need another 'artist' in the family. Hahah. As Miller goes..."An artist does not need to be alone. An artist only needs loneliness." This, I paraphrased.

We'll just all have to stay optimistic.

Radiohead's - Optimistic covered by Hanson. Two words, ELECTRIC CHILLS.

Keep Breathing

Like sleets of monsoon rain
the never ending chill reminds you
of the cracks in your soul
of which you have given
only the most fleeting of thoughts
the most careless of thoughts.

Because you could only care
for things that does not break
so you shall never see the day
when they might succumb
and lose their value
or worse, you your virtue.

The light of tomorrow petrifies
the cringing, sad, sad fellow
you have caged in your ribs
that beats only out of hunger
the crying, depraved, falsetto
you choke in your throat.

But it does not rain forever
the Sun does not die
nor do Fire cry
with each little breath
you do your best
so keep breathing.

Dear brother,

Your trembling lips and glassy eyes
betraying what little strength you had,
My countenance a composed mask
as I shoulder your worries,
My anger bubbling into rage.

Hooligans, what have I to fear of them?
their sheer number reeks of cowardice,
The shaded looks and anxious tics
more pronounced than my shaking hands,
Rapidly, my courage steeled my heart.

In my lone mission of justice
my thoughts of you my resolve,
Standing before such opposition
It was rather foolish,
But 'Foolhardy', I'll be for you.

My only request is your confidence
in me as your guardian,
Your love for me as your sister,
So that while I'm away,
You'll remember, you're my brother.

______________________________________________________________

Note: Because today I had a little 'chat' with ten 19 year old bullies today who decided to mess with adi and his little friends. You mess with my kid brother, you mess with me. Next time, if ever, BEWARE, there be consequences.

A Private Fury

Tousled, tossed and mussed

Your hair wet with sweat

Screaming into the crowd

It was twilight, their eyes were bright.

Unfurling your fury

It was not the world you hated but the people

The unsung voices of the dead, the dying

Like a coyote, as you cry you were howling.

Stage lights casting over your head

So they mayn't see your eyes

Just the shadows of your lashes

Just your groaning and snarling.

Their hearts pumping, their minds flashing,

Whiter, hotter, it was electric,

Your voice deafening,

Standing tall, you were defying.

Exhibited, like an animal

Baring your teeth as hands reached out

To grab, touch and rip

Your name yelled and yelled.

Thousands ready for your bidding

You were present yet silent

What you needed to say stamped upon

Because you sang, but your eyes weren't open.