Raison d'être

'Electron Pushing'

Well, currently I have none.

I've been in Melbourne for a month now...studying "Pharmacy". My consolation being my nightly The Big Bang Theory episodes, the fascinating and at times frustrating molecular atomic structure theory of introductory organic chemistry, the verses of Rumi & my 50% feather 50% down pillow, I continue to exist.

I miss Fluffy, my pet cat very very much. For the past 7 years he would oftentimes accompany me while I study. Laying his soft furry head on my arm while trying to nibble the end of my pen, chewing my eraser and flopping himself over my books. Adi says he's been looking for me, as he used to do when I'm at college. I used to come home every weekend but now I can't so he's slowly stopping from going into my room and yowling for me.

I find this exceedingly saddening. Melbourne is chilly, and void of furry companions. I can't complain though now can I? I'm not allowed to. 

Lately, I've  also started to feel the bite of inferiority as I ponder my intelligence. I'm not intelligent, it's sad. In class last week when my organic chemistry lecturer called upon the class to describe the 'electron pushing' that occurs in reaction mechanisms, it took me well after the lecture to catch on. A couple of the gifted ones had it done and over with in 10 seconds flat. I was, am, dismayed. What's the point of striving for something you can't be the very best at? It's all or nothing.

But I shouldn't be discouraged. There's time still. Sad as it is, I have to toil for results. Competition is a right bitch.