Shine your teeth til meaningless

Islands, that's what we all are. Some are clustered together, closer but isolated still. Some are so far out in the vastness of the sea, all you see is but the ocean right up to the horizon where it kisses the sky, molding into a hue of blue. So out of touch that their very existence is like vapour above boiling water.

Loneliness is one thing, but insignificance? Like an after-thought, it grazes pretty much absolutely nothing.

Dark, inside.

It used to be downright agonizing
but now it's like a wound healed.
Cold days when I you abandon
invisible fingers tear at the dead nerves.

The boredom of singing the same songs
as your fingers brush the same melody
with force I'd strike the plastic keys
dead sounding, with it I swallow my fury.

Wondering at people's antics and speech
I look for the frayed ends where they slip
and let up what festered in their minds
sometimes petty, sometimes funny, even dirty.

Staring out of our mullioned lives
only out of love or pain do people reach out.
In such an external world, for one as private as you
and me, it rains constantly so we drown daily.

Someday somebody will shine laser pointers
into our vacant eyes and burn our retinas
as they look for reflections of their selves, never ours,
but they will see nothing because they've been blind always.

Lost, once and for all.

"No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man."

                                                                                                                      ~ Heraclitus~ 

   In other words, an opportunity lost, is an opportunity lost. I was going about my usual business, watching a movie of no particular brilliance and a variant of this particular quote was sprung on me. Like an adrenalin shot straight to the heart, it was a moment of surreal clarity. 

I had an epiphany. An unpleasant one. It had me re-evaluating my current life, existence. More importantly, the choices I made to arrive to it. The here of now. 

What is unpleasant about it is that, I found no answers. I was yanked out of reality into realization and is left hanging with a plague of 'Why?'s.

My only comfort being, God has plans for me. Faith, I belief is in order for me to call upon right now. 

I tired, I'm trying, I'll keep trying.

ANGLES (Arrived)

Damn, I waited exactly 30 days for this to arrive. So much for pre-ordering. I'm quite acquainted with the post boxes now and I do enjoy the lovely violin music the tenant who lives in the apartment nearest to the post boxes play every evening. I'm gonna wear the t-shirt to class tomorrow. Joy oh joy.

To celebrate, let's have this. The EPICest of live Strokes live performance in 5 years (or more perhaps).

Take It Or Leave It by The Strokes live in Madison Square Garden, NYC

Anger

In their attempts to break the mundanity of 

their repetitive and dull lives, they publicize

every single insignificance that decorates their monotony

fatuously perceived as extra-ordinary.

Pleasure, ridden with the stink of corporeality

What makes them happy no matter how briefly

they seize with hungered hearts, as they scream for Love.

Love! They say, Love me! Love me! Love me!

Then there be those who knowingly let their minds rot

by prioritizing the paltry and delaying things of magnitude.

In their foolishness they say 'I don't need brains, I've attitude'.

Sighing loudly whilst bearing responsibility, they stink of idiocy.

In anger I pray for enduring tolerance

Berating myself I try to remember people tend to blunder

but really now, my patience is of a limit,

Come now people, I've enough of your shit.

__________________________________________________________________

Ah, I need a vacation. Hurry up Easter.

Old man to his daughter

Dear J,

                I hope this arrives to you in time. The paper is shit nowadays, I can’t get through to the crossword puzzle without having to wade through all  the dirt. People all scum. Anyway, got the coffee I sent you yet? It should arrive soon if it hasn’t. Cee threw in some paintbrushes into the box said to tell you to draw her a scenery.  I’ve told her a million times that people don’t draw with brushes, people paint with them but you know how she is.

                My wrists are alright now. I can play for hours again and they would only start aching when it’s cold outside. Took the vitamins you told me to. Don’t think they work much though. Them pills, who knows what’s really in them! Pillmakers could have just scraped all the dust on his cupboards, made pills and tell us they are 100% natural and safe. Old Buster never had a pill in his life and look at him, still barks at the mail man like he’s still a nervous puppy. If men are dogs, we should be able to live like them. Eat whatever, poop everywhere and be healthy as can be.

                It’s getting more difficult to get your brother to come home now. Won’t even take phone calls during his ‘business’ hours. I bet all he’s busy doing at that stuffed up firm of his is send thank you cards to his clients, talk bout politics with his mates and chat up his lady secretaries. The big oaf knows nothing about running people around, he’s too busy being nice and all that. When he calls you up cause he says he will you tell him I want him to bring little Mimi over to our house, Cee’s been huffing about it over breakfast brunch lunch tea dinner and supper. Thinks I’m deaf or something oh I hear her little sighs and mutterings just fine all right. Do that for your old man okay?    

             One more thing, I want to meet with Mr. Ira Soon. I don’t want any excuses just bring him over next week for dinner. The turkeys are getting real fat now we can have good food and just chat. I want to make sure this one isn’t some poppycock lady charmer who thinks he can make you his lady just because he has looks to match yours you understand? You been telling me he’s wonderful beautiful and bashful well I just don’t know what to make of that. Sounds like a dodgy poetry loving teetotaller to me and I’m not sure if that’s what you should be looking for in a man. I just want you to have a good life ahead of you.

                My wrists are starting to act up now I’m gonna have to stop here. Remember, tell Walter to bring Mimi over soon and invite Mr. Ira over for dinner.

P.S. If the coffee doesn't get to you by next week give Arnold a call. He'll let me know.

Yours

R. F. Lee

__________________________________________________________

So much for me sticking to a bedtime curfew. But daylight savings ended yesterday, so I gained an hour. Extra sleep so that's fine I guess. I suspect my nightly manic typing is starting to annoy roomie. I should stop.

3 P.M

My brian's brian's  brain's fried. Now, that, I don't know if that's my being dyslexic or just sleepy. Whichever it is, lack of sleep messes you up. Physiology was alright because I studied it before hand and wanted to make the most of feeling 'triumphant' in class, I'm obsessed with it, it 'rocks my world' these days. Anyway, Organic chemistry is always interesting so those two are okay but I couldn't make sense of anything in Physical Chemistry's Thermodynamics lecture yesterday. I was getting all cross-eyed as I struggled with keeping my eyes open, well, at least one of them.

You can go from being chirpy and laughing and stuff and then suddenly be reduced to tears (I don't know man, I just felt like crying suddenly). Threshold for annoying mundane nonsense people tend to come up with becomes greatly reduced resulting in curt replies that may or may not have offended people. Nonetheless, I apologized so it's all good.

Probably sleep drunk. Bad bad bad. An accumulation of  4-5 hour sleep per night for a month does that to you I suppose. I'm not one of those people who can make do with 5 hours, I realize that now.

One more thing, lack of sleep does kill. People who are unfortunate enough to suffer from FFI (Fatal Familial Insomnia) eventually die. I need a curfew and I need to stick to it.